Acceptance and healing

Acceptence and healing ties in with forgivness and moving on.  I accept my body is different from what it was, I forgive it for letting me down, I heal it with gentleness and I move on.  Yoh all of that is hard.  And all of that is absolutely truthful.
The Doc says I am not to run again, EVER.  I still can't imagine my life without running.  But I do get glimpses of that.  I walked 3kms twice this week.  I connected a bit and breathed fresh air.  I spoke to my angels.  I wanted to know if my running angel was feeling a bit ham-strung - he showed me my shadow and all the glorious bits that were working and to focus on what I can do and NOT on what I can't do.  Actually it was a very clear message - thank you for that.
I am gaining a measure of accepance of the gym.
I have made changes in my life before and I can do it again.  There is that saying something like when a door closes a window opens.
                      

Beautiful seasons

I love the change of seasons and I love living in an area where we see and feel the changes.  This is looking out from Kayla's window.  She is a beautiful tree dressed in her Autumn frock.

 And in such contrast to the above the beautiful shades of summer are still in the garden.  This is a Tecomaria capensis - Cape Honeysuckle.  It flowers profusely at this time of the year but tends to give some flowers most times of the year.




I planted Dahlias last summer (2010) and they absolutely thrived this summer.  I have never cut so many flowers as I have off this plant.  This is the Dahlia Edinburgh variation.










A brief update on the back - the pain is unrelenting and constant.  The MRI reveals I have no disk at L5/S1 and very little disk at L4/L5.  The recommendation is disk replacement on both but if this is not possible then a fusion at L4 and disk replacement at L5.  My head is better adjusted for surgery now but it still scares me.

Be patient and have faith

It appears my back has packed up. The last running I did was in December and I miss it desperately. I have had a back scan and there is massive imflammation in the sacro-illiac joints plus there is still the arthritus. I have had a cortisone injection (tooo einaa sore!) - which I had 20 Feb 3.5 weeks ago. There has been some measure of relief but really not a lot. I am working with a Biokinetist and still doing pilates in a bid to strengthen up the core. The mornings are just too hectic with pain but generally it gets a bit better during the day. I am walking and started running 1 minute for every 4 mins walking. It feels fine when I run and I can't work out if it increases the pain a day or 2 later. The next step is an MRI and then who knows. I am not quite ready for the next step.
I am really working hard on staying positive and being patient and not being rude to my body and treating the pain with respect. Gosh don't I sound grown-up. Trust me I don't feel like it much of the time.